September 16, 2026
Grown-Ass Woman Energy: Becoming the Woman Who Fully Belongs to Herself
Grown-Ass Woman Energy: Becoming the Woman Who Fully Belongs to Herself
What Jill Scott taught me about embodiment, self-love, and creating a life you can’t believe is yours
Back in 2017, I was sitting in a hotel room in Miami with some girlfriends.
I was there speaking at a conference, and somehow we got into this conversation about women who have it.
You know it.
That thing you can’t manufacture.
That woman who seems completely at home in herself. She’s sensual. Confident. Feminine. Grounded. She doesn’t seem to be performing womanhood for anybody.
She just is.
We started trying to think of women we knew who embodied that kind of energy.
We couldn’t think of anybody in our real lives.
But we all agreed on one woman…
Jill Scott.
That conversation was almost ten years ago, but I’ve never forgotten it.
Because today, I have language for what I was trying to describe that night.
Grown-ass woman energy.
That Album Concerns Me
Fast-forward to 2026, when Jill Scott released To Whom This May Concern.
That album concerns me.
I listened to it on repeat. Over and over again.
My favorite song on the album is “Àṣẹ,” but honestly, the entire album feels like an experience. Soulful, intentional, sensual, reflective, powerful. The kind of music that makes you sit with yourself a little longer.
So naturally, I started talking about it on TikTok.
I shared my thoughts about the album, the music, and my favorite songs.
And somehow, Jill Scott saw my video.
She liked it.
She shared it to her Instagram Stories.
I made a response video because obviously I was like, “OH MY GOD, JILL SCOTT SAW MY VIDEO.”
And then she commented on that video.
Excuse me?!
Meanwhile, I already had tickets to see her in Detroit.
I’ve now seen Jill in concert three times… twice in Detroit and once at Essence Fest… and she’s one of few artist that whenever she’s on tour… I am there.
Now this concert was different.
Everyone had to lock up their phones.
There was no recording the entire concert for Instagram.
No watching the show through a screen.
We had to actually be there.
Present.
And she was phenomenal.
Watching her on that stage brought me right back to that conversation in Miami all those years ago.
Because she still has it.
But now, at 46, I understand what I was seeing differently.
Grown-Ass Woman Energy Isn’t Something You Perform
I’ve watched interview after interview Jill has done in preparation for this album.
And every single time, I find myself wanting to soak in her words.
There’s a groundedness about her.
A sensuality.
A femininity.
A gratitude.
A woman who seems deeply present in her own life and genuinely loves who she is.
During her conversation with Scott Evans on House Guest, she kept expressing this sense of wonder about her life.
Essentially…
I can’t believe this is my life.
And that stayed with me.
Because there’s something beautiful about reaching a place where you can look around at the life you’ve created and actually feel it.
Not…
Look at what I accomplished.
Not…
Look at what I proved.
Not…
Look at how impressed everybody should be.
But…
Damn. I get to live this.
That’s grown-ass woman energy to me.
The coaching work I do now grew out of my own long process of unlearning. I had spent years being responsible, capable, dependable, and good at carrying what needed to be carried.
I knew how to show up for everybody else.
I was still learning how to show up for myself.
That is the work so many women bring into the room with me. We have wisdom. We know how to handle shit. We have spent years taking care of everybody and everything. But when you’ve been praised for abandoning yourself for that long, choosing yourself can feel unfamiliar.
Sometimes it can even feel wrong.
Grown-Ass Woman Energy Is Belonging to Yourself
Grown-ass woman energy isn’t about age.
And it damn sure isn’t about having everything figured out.
It’s embodiment.
It’s knowing yourself well enough that you don’t have to constantly perform a version of yourself that other people find acceptable.
It’s having boundaries.
Knowing what you want.
Trusting yourself.
Using your voice.
Allowing yourself pleasure.
Expressing yourself.
Changing your mind.
Wearing the thing.
Taking up space.
Being soft without becoming small.
Being powerful without needing to prove that you’re powerful.
Moving to the beat of your own drum.
And maybe most importantly…
It’s belonging to yourself.
That’s what I recognized in Jill Scott in 2017.
And it’s what I’ve spent the last several years learning to embody in my own life.
This is the part of self-love for women that does not always look pretty from the outside.
Sometimes self-love is disappointing people.
Sometimes it’s ending the conversation.
Sometimes it’s admitting the relationship, role, or version of success you worked so hard to maintain no longer fits.
Sometimes it’s grieving the years you spent trying to be easy to love.
Finding yourself after 40 is not about suddenly becoming a completely different woman.
It’s about meeting the woman who has been underneath all that conditioning.
The woman who had desires before she learned to qualify them.
The woman who had opinions before she learned to soften every sentence.
The woman who knew what she wanted before everybody else’s expectations got louder than her own voice.
And Then Jill Scott Followed Me
A few days ago, I was talking to one of my great friends and told her:
“I need to put Jill Scott on my vision board.”
I didn’t even know exactly what that meant.
Meet her?
Interview her?
Have a conversation?
I don’t know.
I just knew there was something about her energy, her work, and the way she moves through the world that deeply resonated with me.
Then today happened.
I had just left therapy after a really good session. I had a full day ahead of me and was sitting there waiting to get my eyebrows threaded.
I opened Instagram.
Jill had liked another one of my Reels.
And then…
Jill Scott followed me.
Yooooooo.
JILL. SCOTT. FOLLOWED. ME.
At this point, just call us besties. 😂
And yes, I was excited because I love Jill Scott.
But once the initial “OH MY GOD, JILL SCOTT IS FOLLOWING ME” settled down, I thought about that woman sitting in a Miami hotel room in 2017.
She recognized something in Jill that she didn’t quite have language for yet.
Now I do.
And what makes this moment feel so full-circle isn’t simply that a woman I’ve admired for years follows me on Instagram.
It’s that I no longer admire in her what I believe is missing in me.
I recognize it because I’ve been cultivating it in myself, too.
Sometimes the Vision Board Is About Who You’re Becoming
We usually put things on vision boards because we want to acquire them.
The house.
The money.
The trip.
The car.
The opportunity.
But maybe some things… and some people… belong on our vision boards because they represent how we want to feel in our own lives.
Free.
Sensual.
Expressed.
Grounded.
Joyful.
Grateful.
Fully ourselves.
Maybe the question isn’t always what do I want to have?
Maybe it’s who do I want to be while I’m living this life?
Because the older I get, the less interested I am in creating a life that simply looks impressive.
I want a life I can actually feel.
A life where I can look around… with gratitude, wonder, joy, and maybe even a little disbelief… and say:
This is my life.
Not the life I was told to want.
Not the life that makes everybody else comfortable.
Not the life I performed my way into.
Mine.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Embodying grown-ass woman energy does not require a dramatic reinvention.
It may begin with noticing where you keep saying yes while your whole body is saying no.
It may look like asking yourself what you actually want before automatically considering what everyone else needs.
It may mean wearing the clothes you keep saving for a future version of yourself.
It may mean letting your pleasure matter.
It may mean telling the truth about what has changed.
The practical work is simple, but it is not always easy.
Pause.
Listen.
Tell yourself the truth.
Then make one choice that reflects the woman you are becoming instead of the woman you were trained to perform.
That is how self-trust for women gets built.
Not through one giant, cinematic decision.
Through small moments of choosing yourself until choosing yourself no longer feels like rebellion.
And THAT, to me, is grown-ass woman energy.
Ready to Embrace Your Grown-Ass Woman Energy?
Grown-ass woman energy isn’t about becoming louder, harder, sexier, or more confident for other people.
It’s about becoming more fully yourself.
It’s trusting your voice.
Honoring your desires.
Owning what you want.
Setting boundaries without apologizing for them.
Allowing yourself pleasure, joy, freedom, and a life that actually feels good to you.
If you’re ready to explore what that looks like in your own life, the Grown-Ass Woman Starter Pack is your invitation to stop performing the woman you were taught to be and start embracing the woman you’re becoming.
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